Stress Affects Different People in Different Ways

My son is having heart surgery this coming Thursday (September 13, 2007).

I don't consciously feel very tense or worried, but I am finding myself doing things that indicate I am preoccupied or distracted:

• I thought I'd left my cell phone at home. I even left a message for someone I needed to contact saying that she had to leave a message for me at home because I forgot it today. And then, there it is on my belt clip.

• I tried to call someone, forgetting my bluetooth headset was connected to the phone, and three times I couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting any sound.

• I couldn't find my badge at work today, so at the cafeteria I had to have the lady punch in my employee number. Only, someone had found my badge and given it to me earlier in the day and I was wearing it. No wonder the woman didn't need me to confirm my name after she punched in the number. Bleh.

I did have some moisture in my eyes today thinking about the possibility of losing him, but I definitely cope with the stress in a different way than my wife.

She seems to be more in touch with her feelings and for some months, as long as we've known about his surgery date, has cried a little from time to time. She worries about this being a sign of weakness, but it's not. There's a place for appropriate emotion about things. I was actually more concerned about myself and that I wasn't feeling it enough. But I'm just a different person. And a man, too, who compartmentalizes fairly well.

Difficult Time Ahead

There is a difficult time ahead for my family. It's going to be hard on me. And it will be harder on my wife. But it will be even harder on my almost-16-month-old son, because he's going to be having open heart surgery to replace his aortic valve next month.

I'm not so much worried about the actual procedure. My son is in God's hands and I trust Him, no matter what happens. Even if my son were to die I will still trust Him. The suspense on the day of the surgery, the fear of a visit from a gowned hospital employee whose face appears just a little too grave... those are things I feel equipped to handle.

What bothers me is that my son will not understand why he is in pain, and it's going to hurt. He is so active and energetic, and he'll not only have his chest cut open but will be poked full of holes for various tubes and wires. The breathing tube hurts and is really unpleasant. It hurts to cough. He hates sleeping on his back and that's where we're going to have to try to keep him. The list goes on and on.

What happens to a child's trust in the world, in his parents, when he goes through that kind of trauma? I wish I could spare him all the pain. But my wife and I will definitely be there with him to comfort him and do our best to be the present, loving parents he needs.

I wish that instead of taking seven work days off for his surgery, we could take the same eleven days (including weekends) to go to Disney World or the Grand Canyon or have some other fun vacation.